My Dear Friend
Warm greetings to you.
No doubt you are reading this because, in some way, you have experienced loss. It is my sincere prayer that this document will be of comfort to you and that it will help you to process your loss.
Loss is something that we all experience at different times and in different ways. I know this all too well.
As the only child of divorced parents, I suffered the sense of rejection and lost security that come with living in an unsettled home. As a young woman I experienced the pain of lost love. Then, some years later, I had to accept the reality that my youngest daughter was mentally challenged. Shortly after this my father died.
With every loss a dark cloud seemed to settle over my mind and I started to feel that I had no right to entertain hope or even to dream.
Today loss continues to weave it's threads into the fabric of my life. At times I feel as though I have been sucked into a deep, black pit. Sometimes my heart has felt as though it were being ripped out and all too often that characteristic combination of fear and numbness has enveloped my senses.
With each painful loss, however, I am learning that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel - a bright light - and I emerge stronger and wiser, knowing that all things pass away - even the painful things of life. While loss will forever be a part of life, I have learnt that life gives as it takes away - and that no matter how dark the clouds, there is always sunshine after the rain.
Through it all I have prayed - oh how I have prayed - and through it all I have heard, as it were, a comforting voice . . .
"I have heard your prayer,
I have seen your tears.
Surely I will heal you."
(Isaiah 38:5)
Coping With Loss
When dealing with loss, no matter what type of loss, it is important to realize that we will experience different stages of pain. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, in her book entitled "On Death and Dying," identifies five stages of loss. Because each person's experience is unique, this is not a standard pattern for pain, but it does provide a practical guideline that will help you to process your loss.
The five stages that Elisabeth defines are:
| 1 |
Denial and isolation |
| 2 |
Anger |
| 3 |
Bargaining |
| 4 |
Depression |
| 5 |
Acceptance |
Regardless of how your particular loss may be packaged - whether it is loss of financial stability, loss of a partner, loss of happiness, loss of self-worth, etcetera - the sooner you accept your situation, the sooner your life will get back on track, and the sooner you will find healing.
With this thought in mind, let us spend a moment considering what you are likely to experience as you struggle to accept your particular loss.
The Five Stages
| 1 |
Denial and Isolation: At first we cannot accept what is happening to us. We may realize that finances are limited and that debt is increasing, but we keep spending. We may see that our marriage isn't what it once was, but we will keep overlooking the real issues, and we won't seek help. We may retreat into ourselves, pretend, and refuse to face the problem - and sometimes we might even try and deny that there is a problem. |
| 2 |
Anger: Next we will try and apportion the blame on something or someone and we will move through every day being on edge - snapping or yelling at who or whatever gets in our way. Through what is known as "misplacement," we will substitute anger for the true cause of our emotions, that being sorrow and/or grief. |
| 3 |
Bargaining: Then, wherever applicable, we might find ourselves trying to fix our dilemma through bargaining - if you do this, I will do that. |
| 4 |
Depression: Next, as the realization of our loss settles in, and we realize that we can do nothing to get back what we have lost, depression often follows. |
| 5 |
Acceptance: Depression, however, is only the sadness before the quiet of acceptance. And now, having finally accepted our loss, we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and direct our energies into a new tomorrow. Now, having processed the pain and accepted our situation, we can adjust to our new environment and we can pray meaningfully for healing and we can finally find comfort in our hurt. Now, as we embrace reality, we can discover that despite our loss - all is not lost. |
Sure, the pain will linger for a while, but it will pass, and hope and courage will slowly fill the void that our loss has left in our heart. Life is just like that.
Finding Hope In Our Loss
It is true that good things happen to bad people and that bad things happen to good people. Nowhere does God promise us a life that is problem free, but He does promise to be with us in our pain. He knows what we are going through, for there's no pain that Jesus Himself did not experience whilst here on earth. Rest assured, therefore, that you can lean on Him today; you can tell Him your pain; you may share your tears with him - for He weeps with you.
"God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we are in trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us." (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)
No matter what your situation, therefore, you may draw comfort from the fact that . . .
"The Lord your God is with you;
The mighty One will save you.
He will rejoice over you.
You will rest in His love.
He will sing and be joyful
about you." (Zephaniah 3:17)
Through many years of struggle and loss I have learnt that the love of God surpasses anything and everything we have ever known, and that in Him there is always hope and healing.
Please hear the words of your kind heavenly Father as He speaks to you today . . .
"I have good plans for you,
not plans to hurt you.
I will give you hope
and a good future.
Then you will call My name.
You will come to me and pray to Me,
and I will listen to you.
You will search for Me.
And when you search for me with
all your heart, you will find Me!"
(Jeremiah 29:11-13)
Here Is A Prayer That You Can Pray Right Now
"Thank you for loving me, Heavenly Father, and for walking through this pain with me. When it is dark and I cannot feel Your presence, please remind me that You will never leave me, nor will you forsake me. Please give me the courage to trust You at all times. Hold me and comfort me. Let me see more of Your loveliness and help me to love You as never before. And please, dear Father, ease my pain."
Whatever your hurt or loss, you will now be able to better relate to the hurts of others.
Please send them this article.
Take care and God bless you
Your friend
Emra Wagener
for Friends Who Care
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